understanding

I am about to spend too much money for a therapist to tell me to speak to my father without hurting his feelings.

As much as I don’t respect him, I hold too much empathy for him. The weakest trait of a person is one that holds emotional detachment as a strength. That is the most pathetic aspect of a person. Every one of my exes held that trait. Every single one. That as long as they are detached then they are better than me, stronger than me, more powerful. It is the saddest, more pathetic thing. I was told once by an ex after a break up ‘ I don’t know how someone so weak can be so strong’. I have never been weak. I had felt sorry for you. I felt so sorry for you to just leave you on your own. Clammed up, jailed by your own self, unable to breathe and thinking this is winning. I felt sorry and it was too familiar.

I don’t respect him and I rarely find it in me to respect men I meet.